Happy Birthday to the family member I’m least ashamed to be related to. Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to remind you that my birthday is coming up soon. I know you had lots of Birthday wishes on your Birthday, but who’s thinking about you today? Me, that’s who. Note to self: start dating younger men.Īt least you’re not as old as you will be next year. Happy Birthday to one of the few people I can actually tolerate on a daily basis. Happy Birthday! You should feel really special because I didn’t need a Facebook reminder to remember your Birthday. I hope your coworkers don’t use today as an excuse to give you inappropriately long hugs. To the nation’s best-kept secret: your true age.Īt least when you’re alone on your birthday you can have the whole cake to yourself. Happy Birthday-I’m glad you were the strongest sperm.įirst you forget names, then faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. You always have such fun birthdays you should have one every year. You know everything about me and still decide to be my best friend……. You know that that you are getting old, when you have to pay more for the candles than the cake itself. I’m so glad we’re going to grow old together and that you’ll always have a head start. Happy Birthday! Try to forget that this day came about as a result of your parents having sex.Ĭongratulations on being a year closer to finding out if atheism was the right choice. May your birthday be half as exciting as you portray it to be on social media.īirthday, because I don’t give a shit if it’s Happy. I’d have definitely mailed you a card if I was going out for something I needed. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.īirthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake. Forget about the present-I didn’t get you one.īirthdays are good for you. Forget about the future you can’t predict it. This beautiful pocket guide to mushrooms is one of the most confusing covers that have ever existed, it can only be assumed that upon finishing the book, David Arora, who has has previous mushroom based publications (that themselves have fully sensible covers) realized on his way to perform with his local philharmonic, trumpet in hand reached out into the forrest and ripped up some mushrooms taking careful care not to get any dirt on his freshly rented tuxedo and snapped a quick pic… sent it off to the publisher and bam, straight onto the cover it went.Īll things considered though, while “all that rain promised” this day was a neat and small guide to local mushrooms, there is a lot of love to this practical guide.FUNNY – Funny Happy Birthday Messages To Make Your Friends Laughįorget about the past, you can’t change it.
#Crappy birthday meme sayings how to
Last but not least, you’ll gain vitally important knowledge about the possible infiltration methods, and before too long you’ll know just how to identify that the draft of air blowing through your house is a sign of an intruder newly entered! Survive a Garden Gnome Attack on Amazon Survive a Garden Gnome Attack on Kindle Identification is the first step to securing you and your family’s future, the garden gnome can be a tricky beast but at the same time, you may find you’re often mistaking them for less aggressive gnomes… at the end of the day the more information you have the better, which is why this book will come in handy. I’m going to even with you on this one, it wasn’t until reading this book that I discovered how menacing these little creatures can be, at first you’ll see one, then two, three, five, eight, and just like a Fibonacci tornado of tiny shovels and pickaxes you’ll be on your back foot dealing with a great uprising! You need to nip it in the bud as soon as possible. What's your poo telling you? on AmazonĬrucial survival information when dealing with one of the world’s smallest menaces. It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway if you’re going to get down and dirty with it, pick up some gloves as well. What’s your poo telling you is complete with clear and clever drawn illustrations that will, for better or for worse, leave just the right amount to your imagination, and probably perk your curiosity in the worst possible way. Of course, I can take wild guesses at pooping in the woods, but what the matter is telling us itself is a whole other question, and now my friend, you will be able to have the answers.
That being said, now and then there’s something like “What’s your poo telling you?” that poses a question that I previously held no answer to.
When it comes to weird books, I’ve seen the lot, there’s something about the subtle art of pooping that seems to make its way into book after book, from How to poop in the woods, How to poop on a date to the subtle art of toilet paper origami. Something you sit and ponder on the loo? Well? No more!
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